Opinion: City Council to HMB kids: Drop dead

In the latest reduction of personal freedom to come from the HMB City Council, the residents of the Alsace Lorraine neighborhood have been ordered to remove basketball hoops from the curbs in front of their houses by August 23 or face citations and fines.  Citing the classic twin excuses common to all civic scoundrels, “a number of complaints” and “zoning ordinance compliance”, our intrepid city council has leapt into action by issuing warning letters to every miscreant resident in the neighborhood. 

It seems that after decades of having hoops and hockey nets in the streets of our neighborhood, the “zoning compliance” bug has suddenly bitten the backsides of our vigilant council members.  The purported reason that we remove the blight of recreational equipment from our streets is this: “to create a healthier, safer, more attractive environment for residents and visitors in our City.”  What a complete and utter load!

The only people this will benefit are the angry selfish drivers of the neighborhood who will now be able to zoom through the streets unimpeded by the presence of pesky children at play.  With no sidewalks or parks in this town, where exactly are the neighborhood kids supposed to play except in the street?  Sorry, not everyone wants to troupe up to one of our sad schoolyards to play.  Most kids want to play with their friends right near their houses—like they have for decades, and like they do in other towns in America.

How ironic is it that the City wants to ensure a “more attractive environment” for our “visitors” by starting in the middle of a residential neighborhood?  How about starting at the city limits where the quaint rural landscapes of Highway 92 give way to the blight of the abandoned pesticide field (earmarked for an expensive park which will never happen); a trailer park; a forlorn and completely destitute old cemetery; and not one, but two, cheesy fourth-rate “shopping centers”, one of which features a large, ugly abandoned grocery store?  How about starting there, if you want to make things more attractive to residents and touristas?  Naw, much easier to take away the harmless hoops of some neighborhood kids, right?  “We’re winning the war on unattractive streets!”

Any tourist traffic that finds its way down into the Alsace Lorraine neighborhood and Miramontes Ave. is most likely lost anyway.  Most of them are looking for the Ritz, which is on Miramontes POINT Road on the way out of town. (How a town with about 100 streets can’t come up with non-duplicative street names is another HMB mystery.)

Oh, and why is this “zoning compliance” only being enforced in the middle of one residential neighborhood?  If it’s such an all-fired important issue, the City should be cracking down everywhere.  By the way, the “nudge” that the City will employ to get us to move the hoops is a $100 a day fine—completely arbitrary and vindictive.  But, really, why waste any time on this?  Find something better to get worked up about and leave our kids alone.

Frankly, the entire city council should resign their posts and go back to what they do best: shilling real estate to retirees.

Tired of it,

Mike Nouaux
Alsace Lorraine
Half Moon Bay